I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
