so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize