He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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