I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
