I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He shit in the fireplace
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
