just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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