if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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