he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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