It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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