I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
