She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
