Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
