Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
