2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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