My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
