i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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