Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
