i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
