hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize