The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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