I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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