I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
