I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
