whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
