Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
