i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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