is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
