How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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