im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
