Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
