Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So many bounce houses so little time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
