Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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