did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize