Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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