I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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