i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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