Got a toothbrush?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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