I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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