I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My feet surprised me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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