His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
