I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
