and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
