Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
