There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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