Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she told me i tasted like america
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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