She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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