He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
