What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
