We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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