How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
