Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
