A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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