so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
