The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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