Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
