Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
