he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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