hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize