I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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