You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
