The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
