and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
