When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
