The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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