At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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