careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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