dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
