My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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