I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
