I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
