This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
