she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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