Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
