I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
