My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
