so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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