I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
