I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
